You were just looking for a number on your partner's phone. However, what you discovered was much more than you anticipated! You're not sure what to do with the information.
You've discovered that your partner has been sexting with a colleague for some time How do you handle the situation?
It's possible to be overwhelmed by the news. You wouldn't think of your partner as someone who would be a sexting partner behind your back. You always thought this person was honest and trustworthy. You're not sure what you should think anymore. You begin to question everything. "Did it cause a mistake?" you ask yourself. "What was it I did wrong?" and "Is there more I do not know?"
You feel like the ground you have been walking on has suddenly shifted under your feet and now you're suspended in an abyss, and you don't know how deep it is. You are embarrassed, humiliated and uncomfortable. So you keep it all to yourself as you attempt to sort through your conflicting feelings and come up with a plan. You feel angry. How can your partner do this to you? You don't deserve it. You've always been loyal and honest. You've always been honest and loyal.
You begin to think about your relationship There is something that could explain your partner's behavior? Maybe you've been a little distant lately. You might have been focused on work or the children or your family. However, you wouldn’t do this in the first place So why aren't you taking the blame. It was your partner who was responsible not you. So the anger is rekindled and you are burned from the inside.
Then you might question the sexual relationship you had. Was it boring to your partner? You weren't romantic enough with your partner in recent times... Maybe you were more aware of each others sexual desires...
Then you're furious again, and you believe that you're not deserving of it.
All of these emotions and the emotional yo-yo in which you are are normal reactions to a news story that has shattered your previous perception of your partner and your relationship. What should you do?
You must discuss what you discovered with your partner. Do not put off the discussion! No matter how difficult, uncomfortable or awkward that conversation is going to be, you must not avoid it, or you will be left with a lot of questions, doubts and confusions in your head, which will only get worse, not better.
But, before you talk to your partner, you should ask yourself how your partner's sexting has impacted you. Do you think this rupture in the relationship can be fixed? Do you intend to take steps to repair it? If you answered yes to these questions, then get ready to discuss sexting with your partner.
If you can you can, try to remain calm as you begin instead of attacking immediately however much you'd like to. Instead, ask questions. Listen. In order to allow communication to happen you can temporarily defer judgement. Try to comprehend - you don't have to agree - why this happened and what your partner gets from these activities.
Remember that relationships aren't defined by the problems, but rather by the partners' ability to fix them. Is your partner remorseful? Sexting Are they concerned about the actions of their partner and willing to make amends by talking to you or seeking professional assistance when needed? Does your partner realize the impact these actions have on you? The more positive answers you can provide to these and similar questions, the more optimistic your situation.
In the next blog, we'll discuss what happens after disclosure. Stay with us.
